I remember vividly a particular delegate on one of my training workshops. At the beginning of the second day he shared with the group that he was ‘fed up’ at work because ‘nobody ever remembers my name’. His colleagues would call him by the name of the person who did the job before him, or would simply make up a random name and call him that. It was clear from the heartfelt way he described this issue that it was something which affected him deeply. It was affecting others in the group too, as he told his story.
I can still remember his name!
However, I think it would be unfair to share it here, ironic though that may be. So I’m going to call him Joe Waters. I turned to Joe and gently offered him my observations from the previous morning when he had first joined the course:
I described how, when he entered the room for the first time, I was standing talking to two other delegates. He walked across to the far side of the room and sat down on a chair, saying nothing. I went over to introduce myself, speaking my name clearly, and he responded with a mumble which I didn’t quite catch. So I cast a glance at my delegate list, convinced I would find his name there. Unfortunately though, he was listed as J. Waters (in contrast to all the other delegates who had provided their full first name and surname).
Undeterred, when we started the training, I asked each delegate to introduce themselves by name and say a few words. Joe managed the few words, but omitted to mention his name. Hence he had three opportunities to tell me his name, and he didn’t take any of them.
When I had finished my recount, I watched Joe’s reaction with interest. His eyes filled with tears, and he was clearly moved by what he had heard.
The principles of this story are true for pretty much all of us.
Focus on what you can do
So, what is your blind spot? Where are you failing to take personal responsibility for something that’s not going well for you? I invite you to think of a scenario. It’s likely to be something that is affecting you deeply, and secretly you reckon it’s the fault of someone or something else.
Got one? Now write down the answers to these questions. It need only take a couple of minutes:
1. Consider your response to this scenario. How is it affecting you? What is your intellectual, physiological and emotional response as you think about it?
2. What effect is it having on others? How are they responding? What do you notice about others in relation to this?
3. Now ask yourself this: What one thing can you do, for yourself, that will make a positive difference to your situation? It needs to be something that you can fully carry out on your own. Be really specific about the answer to this.
4. It is possible that taking this action means there is a price for you to pay, something that you will lose as a result of doing this. Consider what that might be. Is it worth it?
5. What effect will it have on others if you take this action? Will others benefit as well as you?
6. If you’ve answered ‘yes’ to the last two questions - what are you waiting for? If you have answered ‘no’ to either or both of them, go back to step 3 and consider an alternative action.
The Circle of influence
Stephen Covey in his book ‘The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People’ talks about the circle of influence and circle of concern. We all have concerns – our health, the kids, problems at work, the recession, terrorism in India, global warming. These are things in which we have some mental or emotional involvement – this creates our ‘circle of concern’. Within that circle there are things over which we have no influence, and others that we can actually do something about. Those in the latter group reside within a smaller concentric circle – our ‘circle of influence’.
The principle is that we can increase the size of our circle of influence by focussing on the bits we are able to do something about. None of us can single-handedly fight off the recession, but we can, if we choose, implement measures to reduce the impact on us and those close to us.
Applying this in the downturn
If your business is losing customers, or the company you work for has announced a redundancy programme, you may not be able to fully influence the eventual outcome. After all, there are many factors at play. However, you can choose to conduct yourself with integrity, seek to strengthen and build progressive relationships with clients and colleagues, pursue win-win outcomes from meetings. You will emerge feeling more in control, more positive and possibly with more connections and opportunities than you thought possible.
The starting point is now.
What are you choosing to influence today that will make a difference for you now and in the future?
Discover how to get where you want to be
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© Helen Krag, 2008